I would admit that yes, His ways are higher, too high to see from where I am standing, but I could see them in the distance. There was the outline, there was the top, therefore, they were understandable.
I believed that, though His ways were far above me, they were within reach. All it took was a lot of effort, struggle, searching. When "life" happened and I couldn't understand, then I would crane my spiritual neck to glimpse the distance...to try and see the big picture.
Now I know. Now I know that his ways are past finding out.
O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! Romans 11:33
Having a relationship with God is not like any other. He's too amazing to visit with only once a week. I want to spend every minute with Him.
I haven't always thought this.
He used to be just a good friend. I was thankful to Him and for Him, and I would often turn to Him when I was in trouble. He usually had good insight to give me. Sometimes, I would do what He said. Other times, I would take the counsel of my friends or more likely than not, take my own counsel.
I knew what was best for me.
But life was hard. And it became harder. It seemed my life was always filled with conflict, fear, and pain. Soon, the counsel of friends fell flat. I didn't know what end was up let alone what was best for me. I turned to the Lord Jesus Christ.
He was an ever present help in trouble. I loved Him. I began to seek and search and struggle to get to the tree tops, the mountain peaks. But I never could!
One thing after another would leave me flat in the dust, Humiliated. Devastated. I had no answers.
It was in those humiliating circumstances that God, in his tender mercy, would reveal Himself to me. He would take me Himself to a mountain peak. I had become like a little child, small and dependent, able to be carried on his shoulders to high places. Content with wherever and whatever He wanted for me.
This is the blessing of suffering.
Suffering allows us glimpses into the heart and mind of our Father, of our Jesus, of our all-wise Holy Spirit.
We cannot reach the end of this, one of those "higher ways". Somehow, God takes us at our lowest point and makes it High. It is there, on our face, in the dust, that we learn things, we see things that we would never have seen otherwise.
This marriage separation has been one of my lowest times. I've had low times before, but it seems they were all just steps in a staircase leading down to this. Yet, it is here that God has shown me so much. I have begun to understand Him and know Him like never before.
Isn't that strange? I feel as if I have been walking down down down, but all this time, all this short life of mine, He has been leading me up up up to more of Himself.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9