July 23, 2013

A year in the workshop...

(google images)

July 24th marks one year since my mother died.

I miss her every day, especially lately, as my family, the Santos', have been dealing with such difficult things. I wish she was here to share my burdens with, to tell me what to do, to help me do what I find so hard to do - just loving my husband and children.

I know I'm not the only one who finds this difficult, for didn't God give instruction to the older women to teach the younger women HOW to love their husbands and their children? (Titus 2:4) He knew that we would need help.

Funny how I can be with a mother of toddlers and offer suggestions or compassion, but how needy I am for counsel, for grace, to raise my own pre-teen children.

So much has happened in this last year.  I am a different person; just as a piece of wood is different after the woodcarver consistently whittles away at it.

I remember walking the halls in the hospital a few weeks before Mom died.  Wet tissues in my hand, red eyes and nose, I cried in agony. Someone touched my arm and offered words of comfort regarding the loss of my mother.

I shook my head and walked away. Did I cause them pain, I wonder? I didn't mean to. They didn't know.

They didn't know I was mourning the loss of my God and not the loss of my mother.

I had prayed the prayer of faith, of healing. I knew that God could do it. God could heal my mother if He wanted to. I knew of his promise to give me whatever I ask in Jesus' name according to the will of the Father.

But He was saying No. No?  He was saying "No?"

Could I trust Him if He did? Would I ever be able to trust Him again?  Who did I have that compared to God? Only my mother, and she was dying.

It was a great crisis.

The way was dark, but I took a step. I could not lose my God!  By faith I said, as many before me have done, "Not my will, but Thy will be done." I let it go.

A giant chunk of wood was removed.

With that change, I was ready for some finer tools, such sharp tools. Knives. Chisels. Hammers of various strengths. Sandpaper.

Consequently, this year has passed with much pain and progress being made.

Not everyone is happy with the changes.  "Hey, that's not what I would have made out of her! I'd rather her be like this."

I've even heard "God doesn't work like that. It must not be Him doing the work in you."

There is always a battle when God is at work.

I am thankful that He has shown me what is good and what the Lord requires of me: to do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God.

I know that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.

I know that even if I am faithless, He remains faithful for he cannot deny himself.  Nothing will separate me from His love.

Is the way dark for you?

Trust Him.

Jesus, Jesus, How I trust Him,
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er,
Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus!
  O for grace to trust Him more.

I decided to link up with some lovely blogs at Gracelaced.
Go on over and be encouraged.

GraceLaced Mondays

July 03, 2013

July?! What happened to June?

 Wow. It's been a long time since I have posted.
Is anyone out there? I have missed spending time with you.
My computer dropped off of a high shelf cracking the screen.
It is getting repaired, finally. While I have been able to check e-mail and facebook with Sophia's Kindle, I could not blog.
Anyways, I had a moment on another computer so I thought I would share some recent photos of what is growing outside our front door (courtesy of Sophia, of course) and the FB posts you might of missed.
Hope to be back soon.  I always think of you! 
Delayed answers to prayer are not only trials of faith, they also give us opportunities to honor God through our steadfast confidence in Him even when facing the apparent denial of our request.
~ CH Spurgeon.   
My soul wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. Psalm 62:5

Stop having a measuring rod for other people. There is always one fact more in every man's case about which we know nothing.
~ Oswald Chambers

The past is forgiven, there's Power for today, and Hope for tomorrow.
Rejoice in the Lord and Be glad!

Why should I be frightened and surprised by the plow of the Lord, which makes deep furrows in my soul? I know He is not some arbitrary or irrational farmer - His purpose is to yield a harvest. 
~ Samuel Rutherford

The Photographer.  She's only in this photo because I have her camera.

Growing up way too fast. Teach us to number our days.
I am so thankful for this wonderful Boy in my life.

Naomi Baloney


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