It has been very noisy here at The Times.
So many things have been calling my attention away from the Peace and Joy I have in Christ Jesus.
"Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10
I won't list all the callers, they are mostly negative. Well, that's not true. Some were fun, like the temporary T.V. show addiction. (over now since every episode has been watched) But all the callers are loud and demanding.
The biggest caller has been DEBT. Not money debt, forgiveness debt. As in, "...and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors."
This is a big issue for me. Debt and forgiveness. I suppose it is for everyone, only some of us don't LIVE it so intimately day in and day out. Or maybe we rationalize or sweep things under the rug and call it good. I don't know, but I feel like every day I am faced with my own debt that I owe and the debt that others owe me.
Usually, an apology cancels all debt owed to me. It is easy for me to forgive, usually. Sometimes, there is no apology but I understand the "why" behind the debt and I freely and happily cancel the debts owed to me.
But other times, especially lately, especially this whole-entire-very long-when-will-it ever-end year all the debts owed to me have not been paid. The offender denies the debt. I don't understand why he/she has hurt me. The offender doesn't care about my pain. The debt looms large. With each day or with each new offense, the debt grows.
I feel cheated, robbed, violated, etc.
But Lord, I was wondering about the debt they owe me? Have you taken care of that debt too? It's a lot, Lord. A LOT. Oh, you know? Then you must know they don't want to pay it. They are NOT sorry. They don't even acknowledge the debt. In fact, Lord, they say that I am the debtor. How can this be Lord? I am in so much pain!
What? You want to take care of the debt they owe me too? But Lord, they are the debtor not you. They owe me!"
"Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord." (Romans 12:19)
"It doesn't seem like it, Lord. It looks like they are getting everything for free. I'm the one left with nothing. I'm the one hurt and humiliated."
"My beloved child, don't look for payment from your offenders. Walk with Me. Delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart."
"Lord, that sounds so wonderful. But what about my humiliation? I hate it!
"Remember Me, Laura, who for the joy that was set before me, despising the shame...I hated the shame of the cross too. I know your humiliation and now you have a glimpse of mine. I endured the cross." (Hebrews 12:1-2)
Did any of this make sense?