January 07, 2012

How am I doing? Can I do better?

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 
Genesis 2:18

Are you married? Have you considered how you are doing in this area?  I, personally, think about it all the time. But, because of pride I would never ask Mr. Santos how I am doing.  I will ask the Lord and often He will show me areas where I need to improve.  But, no way, would I ask Mr. Santos.  In my mind, I am doing all I can do to help him and  that should be good enough.

But this is wrong.

Our cars need regular tune-ups. Our bodies daily need cleansing. Even nature itself has seasons of renewal. Our relationships (married or not) also need this sort of thing - a tune up, cleansing, special care.

My confession:

I have been lazy in this area, thinking 'Let's just drive it to the end -- Until death do we part.'
I have been prideful in this area.  All the "yeah buts", and "well if only you would's" come to the surface at the mention of a need.
And, I have been fearful.  What if we find out that the problems we have are all my fault?  What if I am going to have to SUBMIT more? Ew!

Again, this is wrong. "to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth [it] not, to him it is sin."

We are negligent in our relationships because of our standards, because of our expectations. Those standards are usually higher than the standards God has for us.

Think about it.

While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but quickened by the Spirit:

God did not wait for us to be perfect before He laid down His life for us.  Yet, that is often what we do, what I do.  I wait until the children are obedient before I praise them.  I wait until Mr. Santos is kinder before I submit to his wishes.  How WICKED of me! Who am I to have higher standards than Holy Creator God? I am but a worm; my life is a vapor.

Are you doing this too? Are you waiting for someone to meet your expectations before you love them with your life?

Jesus commands us to love our enemies; to bless those who curse us.

Here are some definitions of help*

To aid
To assist
To lend strength or means towards effecting a purpose; as, to help a man in his work; to help another in raising a building; to help one to pay his debts; to help the memory or the understanding.
To lend means of deliverance; as, to help one in distress; to help one out of prison.
To relieve; to cure, or to mitigate pain or disease.
To remedy; to change for the better.
To lend aid; to contribute strength or means.

Here are some definitions of meet

To come together, approaching in opposite or different directions

Will you, with me, ask your husband "How am I doing? Is there any way that I can improve as your wife?"

Maybe this question is for your sister or brother or mother, father, friend. God bless you.


* (this post is from my notes on a Bible study called "Godly women in an ungodly world" taught by Janice McBride. If you are interested, her website is www.janicemcbride.com)


  1. Thank you!! You gave me alot to think about!!

  2. None of us like to receive feedback on our performance which is one reason why we don't ask. We always expect bad news. But husbands and wives should have this conversation in regards to each other, not just aimed at the wife. If there is complete trust,them either have any fear. I'm like you, I don't ask either.

  3. Ouch!!! But definitely something I needed reminding of.

    And thank you *so much* for letting me know that you and your family are enjoying the music on my blog. Your comment made my day! :o)


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