October 01, 2009

My will or His will?

SO! About those big changes around here...wanna know what they are?

Somewhere this past summer I lost my way. I was simply walking down the Trail of Life- hacking away at this and that with my machete, admiring the views at every clearing, and logging my discoveries for future reference. I knew what I was doing and I was confident in where I was going. Ha, I was even sure that people were following me. Then, one day I realized I was lost.

When did I take a wrong turn? How did I get here? This is not where I am supposed to be! It dawned on me that it had been several days that I had been lost - weeks?


~oOo~

When Mr. Santos and I got married, we didn't know each other. It might as well have been an arranged marriage - and it was. GOD arranged it. The Bible says that man makes his plans but God directs his steps.

We thought we were in charge when we looked across the crowded fishery making googly eyes at each other. He took my hand on our second date and we decided - no proposal, just two prideful people deciding - that we would get married. It was only because of "the details" that it took so long. We met February 15 and got married April 4th of the same year.

Mr. Santos and I could not be more different - and yet we are exactly the same in that we are stubborn, prideful and confident in our own mind. These are not attractive traits. They can be useful sometimes...but they are not pretty...and they don't make for a happy family at all.

I don't need to tell you that the last 12 years of our life have been an adventure.

I lamented and complained to a friend...

(and here's a side - thank God for friends who will call you and ask you how you are and listen to you ramble on and on and still be willing to call again.)

I had so many things to do and take care of. I was dealing with our Tax Audit, doing research for an investment Mr. Santos was interested in, trying to home school my children, help some friends with their health goals, and a "thousand" other things - not to mention keeping my house up. I was stressed out and I was sure that it was all MR. SANTOS' FAULT. He is very spontaneous. He has an idea and he does it. He is also commanding. I am his wife and his expectation is that where he goes, I will follow...NOT the other way around.

I had my little daily agendas - BUT he had his - and lately they didn't line up.

It was in the middle of my complaining that I finally heard what was in my heart.

I said to my friend, "[Mr. Santos] can't expect me to be flexible EVERY day...I need structure. I need to know what is happening every day so that I can plan."

This sounds reasonable enough - but it is not Biblical. My life is not my own. I have been bought with a price and if God would have for me that I need to be flexible every day - then so be it.

"Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth." Colossians 3:2

Somewhere I had taken a turn to follow after my own agenda...my own plans. I fought everything that kept me from my plans. The most obvious thing to fight was Mr. Santos with all of his "ways."

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, (that would include husbands) but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Ephesians 6:12 parentheses mine.

If we really believe God's Word, then it doesn't matter what comes our way - or gets in our way. God is in control. I am always telling my kids "Just say, yes mama." Will I just say "Yes Lord?"

"For you are dead and your life is hid with Christ." Colossians 3:3

"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

Do I believe this? How do I show this in my everyday life?

~oOo~

The Changes:

Instead of frowning so much at my children - I will stop them throughout the day and Beam a big smile in their face. "Have I smiled at you today?" I will ask. "Have I told you how much I like it when you...(fill in the blank?) No? Well then let me tell you.!"

Instead of bristling at criticism or commands from Mr. Santos - I will reply "I would love to be a help to you." or "Thank you for showing me where I can improve."

Instead of fussing over all the things to do - I will pray to the Lord for His agenda for the day. Even if all I do is twist and turn all day with 'being flexible', I will do it happily and for His Glory, amazed to be living such an adventurous life.

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Boast not thyself of tomorrow, for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth. Proverbs 27:1

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